


acceptance = love

by ForFunWithLove



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Friendship, Honesty, Learning to Be honest, M/M, Requited Unrequited Love, Talk about feelings, Unrequited Love, acceptance of feelings, but it's, learning to to accept feelings and emotions and honor them, those are the themes y'all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27243763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForFunWithLove/pseuds/ForFunWithLove
Summary: Time has passed since the revolution and human and androids live in peace together now. It's not always easy, but Markus and Connor always make time for each other.Though in a strictly platonic way of course! Romantic feelings? None of that here m'am!!! Especially not on Markus' side, nu-uh, that would surely go no where and it would be a miracle if Connor would even consider him, right?Or the one where Markus learns it's okay to have feelings and that it's not healthy to antagonise yourself.
Relationships: Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. ?

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all, this has been in my drive for like two years maybe? I think it was one of my first fics but I didn't feel confident enough to post it anywhere.  
> Also, looking back to this I realised I want to do something symbolicaly to heal from my obsession with unrequited love.  
> It's been fun, but it's not what I want to attract in my life.
> 
> So that's what I want to do with this fic. 
> 
> The first chapter is what I have written way back then. The following chapters is what I will be writing now, as a closure.

Markus had a little problem. He didn’t like to think about it a lot because it was that unimportant. So insignificant it wasn’t even worth paying attention to. Besides, he was so busy these days with working towards and maintaining a world where all androids and humans lived together peacefully that he didn’t even have any time for it. 

So no, Markus never even spared a thought about how his ‘heart’ seemed to pump faster every time a certain other android made an appearance. Or how he felt his face become more blue when Connor gave one of his blinding smiles - just for Markus. He especially never lost his train of thought because his brain was providing an unhelpful thought about Connor. 

What he would admit to is the glances North, Josh and Simon would throw his way when his brain glitched in Connor’s presence with the result of him doing or saying something stupid. He admitted to that because the endless teasing afterwards was a pain and he really wished they would stop if he complained enough about it. 

Okay so maybe his ‘little problem’ was more of a big problem. 

And that was because Markus and Connor were friends. Best friends even, Markus was proud to say. It hadn’t been easy to get to that point. But Markus has always made sure to nurture their relationship. He had felt pulled towards the other android and he hadn’t questioned it at the time. The thought that his feelings would develop to something this intense had never even occurred to him. Who would have guessed his heart would betray him like this? 

Anyway, two years have passed already since their first meeting. Markus was still deeply involved in politics - of course, things couldn’t change overnight but the public had grown to trust him more.  
Connor was still at loss with his feelings sometimes. As was Markus. And undoubtedly the rest of the world, human or android, because the more time passed the more Markus started to suspect this ‘feelings’ thing was always going to be something you had to give attention to and could get overwhelmed by. 

Because of that reason Connor and Markus had a special day every week where they hung out, watched movies and talked about their feelings. It was the best day of the week. Even Hank left the house to themselves when they spent that day at Connor’s. Lately they were staying more and more at Markus’ apartment, though.  
Markus didn’t even want to dwell on how that actually came to be. He just wanted to enjoy it.

Connor was currently looking intently at the tv-screen. Markus was too deep in thought to pay much attention; in fact, he was staring at Connor’s profile the whole time. It wasn’t - entirely - his fault they ended up to cuddle so close to each other on the couch.  
Connor was so close Markus would only have to lean forward a bit to steal a quick kiss on the cheek. Which he wouldn’t because doing that without asking Connor would be betraying his trust. And there is no way Markus would actually feel confident enough to ask.

He was happy enough to just look. Honest. 

He felt warm inside just from being in Connor’s presence. 

“Markus?” Connor said suddenly. It sounded like a question. 

Markus didn’t know how fast to look back at the screen to keep the impression that he wasn’t staring at him for God knows how long. Oh apparently for the whole movie, Markus noticed as he saw the end credits roll. 

“Yeah?” Markus answered and turned his head back to Conner. Which was a BIG mistake since Connor was also turned his way which, added to their close proximity, almost made their lips touch. 

Markus almost made a run for it but instead he settled for flailing himself gracefully to the other side of the couch. Connor looked sad even as he laughed while Markus propped himself back up, laughing as well. He shimmied back to Connor but made sure not to be that close this time.

“I was wondering if you have ever felt...romantic love towards someone.” Connor said, the laughter still lingering in his voice. Markus smiled at that until he fully processed what the other man just said. 

Oh boy. That was. That was a good question. Which is what Markus said, to bid some time to think about his actual answer. Which he actually had to give since it was normal for them to talk about things like this. 

“That’s a good question.” Markus repeated, taking a breath he didn’t need before he forced himself to lock eyes with Connor. This would be the perfect moment to confess.

“While I have felt plenty of platonic love, I haven’t actually felt romantic love towards someone. Yet.” Markus said, you know, like a liar.  
Connor looked slightly disappointed at that. Probably because he was hoping Markus could tell him how he felt it, and maybe even break the rule of ‘no interfacing’ between them so Connor could get a glimpse of the feeling, like they used to. 

Because another thing is that they haven’t interfaced since Markus found about his new treacherous feelings. He has been distancing himself physically. Mostly, anyways. It’s a hard life out there for an unrequited love, okay?  
Markus assumed it wouldn’t be that big of a deal to Connor and that he wouldn’t take it personally since Markus probably wasn’t as important to him as Connor was to Markus. He did expect it probably confused him a little; they used to interface all the time. Especially on their ‘feelings’ day. 

But Markus made it clear he didn’t feel comfortable doing that anymore and Connor respected that. It made him love Connor even more. 

Another thing Markus discovered; his heart is trash.

“Why do you ask?” Markus was actually curious, for his own selfish reasons. 

Connor blushed at that. It wasn’t even a normal blush, oh no, it seemed like he was trying to light up the whole world with how intense it was. And then he licked his lips. Markus swore he would have fainted at that if he were human; his thirium pump was pumping faster than it should.  
But it also made him uneasy. If Connor was asking, it was probably because he was suspecting that he was in love and wanted Markus ‘expert’ opinion on it. Markus only noticed he had been grinning when his face fell at that realization. Connor was in love. 

“Well, I think that-I think...I’m fairly sure that I’m-” Connor stopped for a moment, looking down, cheeks still blue. “I think that I’m in love with...someone.” 

Whoomp, there it is.

It’s fine though. Totally fine. 100% everything perfect. Jolly good.

Markus squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push his feelings aside. 

He had no reason to feel like he had fell down into an endless pit of nothingness. The knots in his belly also had no business to be there.  
This was bound to happen, eventually. He knew that his feelings would never go anywhere, that he only had to wait for some entity in this universe to have mercy on him and get rid of the infatuating feelings or kill him. Either was fine. But he had hoped at least he could have had more time with Connor to himself before someone took him away.

Also, this wasn’t the time to have a crisis; Connor was now staring at him.

So Markus, uncharacteristically, coughed and locked eyes. He tried to smile to indicate how A-okay he was. 

“Wow, Connor that’s awesome.” He actually managed to give a big smile. Despite everything, Markus was fairly sure he was doing a good job of making Connor think he was enthusiastic for him. Which he was, to some extent. He couldn’t go really far in the enthusiastic department since he was a piece of shit who couldn’t control his feelings. Maybe he also needed a therapist on top of his Conner-movie-time. 

“So...who’s the lucky gal, guy or pal?” Markus asked, elbowing Connor playfully in the side. 

Connor blushed some more in response. 

“Well, whoever they are, they must be really special. I’m sure it’s an indescribable feeling.” Markus’ need to fill the silence did him in. It really be your own awkwardness, huh? 

“You can...feel it too if you want.” Connor said, fidgeting a little in his seat. Markus was confused for the half of a second before he realised Connor offered him his hand. The skin was already removed. 

Something must have shown on his face, because Connor’s hand faltered before he took it back completely. He held it protectively against his chest.

“Or not- I mean, you don’t have to. I don’t want to be insensible I know that you still don’t-”

“No, no it’s not that it’s just that-eh...I-I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, it must be really personal to you. You won’t even tell me who it is, what if you accidentally let it slip through our connection?”

Connor pursed his lips together and crossed his arms. Was he...pouting? Oh my god, that was adorable. 

“I wouldn’t mind that much. I just...we don’t have to okay. It’s fine.” Markus doubted it really was, but he didn’t comment further on it. He hadn’t want to risk Connor finding out about what his dumpster of a heart had been up to before, but now he absolutely didn’t want him to know. Who knows what kind of stupid thing Connor would do, like feeling guilty. 

“Do they know?” Markus asked, doing his best to do his best friend title some justice. Mind your business for a while heart, okay? Friends before trash-feelings.

“I mean…” Connor paused, for some reason. “they don’t really know.”

“Con, I know it might not be by place to tell, but I think you should absolutely tell them. Especially if it’s been going on for a while. You can’t keep torturing yourself like that. Even if they don’t reciprocate, I’m sure they wouldn’t think less of you and that the world will not explode.”

Look at him, giving advice like he knows what he’s talking about. Wasn’t he just recovering from a heart crushing crisis he had a few minutes ago? Man, if Markus would just listen to his own advice. Out of the question of course; he knew what Conner’s answer would be. Pitiful glances and feeling guilty for not feeling the same and being too extreme about trying to make Markus feel better. Not to mention that Connor then would probably ask to interface again out of curiosity and not because he wanted to share this awesome feeling. At least not in the way Markus longed to.

Conner’s flush returned with a vengeance. He rubbed his neck before looking somewhere behind Markus’ shoulder.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. They probably don’t feel the same and...I don’t want to inconvenience them with my feelings.” 

Markus blinked at him. 

“How can you know if you haven’t asked?” 

“They’re more open to their feelings compared to me. If they would have felt the same I trust that they would have told me already.” Connor avoided eye contact, again. Markus frowned; he didn’t know what to think about that. It was already hard enough to think in Connor’s presence. So he decided to try to end the conversation. Thinking about some oh so perfectly, emotionally balanced love interest of Connor only served to worsen his mood. On the other hand, he would feel bad just weaseling out of the conversation without really having helped Connor. Which ultimately led to him digging his own grave.

“No one is that in tune with their emotions. Especially if they’re relatively new to the feelings trip.” Markus assured him. “Maybe they’re thinking the same thing about you. If you’d want to pursue a romantic relationship with them, I think the only thing you can do is ask them out and go further on from there.” A pause. Markus tried not to fidget as he said the next words. “ I’m sure that anyone would be happy to have you as a partner. Honestly, I’m already a little jealous.” Markus laughed and pushed Connor teasingly, as if it was a joke. Was there an oscar specially reserved for androids? Because Markus deserved one.

Conner laughed too, although there was something in his eyes this time that Markus couldn’t define. 

“What would I even say?” Connor said after his laughter died out. 

Markus put a finger to his lips, tapping it as if he was thinking deeply about it.

“Are you close to them?” Markus asked, trying to subtly get the answer about who this mysterious person is. Even though it wasn’t his business and he should have respected Connor’s wish of keeping it to himself. He lied to himself that is was solely for Connor’s sake; if Markus knows who it is he can help Connor better. Because apparently he is out to destroy his entire circuit system. 

“I’d like to think so, yes.” Connor answered, a sad little half-smile on his face. 

Connor wasn’t close to a lot of people. Or at least; he didn’t see himself as important to someone fast. It took a lot of time for him to build that trust. So if he said that, they must be really close. 

Markus pondered about that a little. Connor was close to his father, Josh, Simon and North. He, obviously, ruled out Hank. Markus knew from before that Connor saw Josh as a brother, so he wasn’t it either. And Simon could still be a trigger sometimes for Connor, making him relive the guilt he felt before he deviated. Though Markus knew they were both very important to the other, he doubted it was Simon either. 

Which left North. That was the most plausible option since Connor and North seemed to be bickering 24/7. Markus was jealous of their banter, sometimes. But he had never thought their relationship was something other than platonic. 

Markus was at loss. Maybe Connor had met someone else. Really possible, Connor didn’t have to tell Markus everything. He just tended to know a lot more than someone would usually verbally share because of the interfacing. Now that they didn’t do that anymore it was obvious that Connor couldn’t spend hours to tell every little detail of his life. Besides, it was 100% creepy stalker material to even want to know that much or to expect that much from a person.

“Markus? Are you all right?” 

“I sure am.” Markus said, happy that he threw that led away a long time ago otherwise the red blinking of it would have betrayed his lie. “If you’re close to them you could just tell them and they won’t think any less of you.”

“I’ve tried! And it didn’t seem like they picked up on it.”

“What did you say then?”

“That I really value them and that I love them.”

“That’s valid. But I recall you even telling me that multiple times. Maybe you should tell them in a way that makes your intention very clear? If they heard you say that to me or somebody else, they probably think you don’t like them on a romantic level either since you don’t like me and the others like that.”

Connor blinked at him. Opened his mouth and then closed it again.

“I think I just realised something.” That’s all that Connor said before standing up and walking away straight out the door.

“I’m sorry for breaking this off early! I really need some time alone now, see you later!” 

And with that Markus was left alone with the sounds of a new movie in the background and his thoughts forming exclamation and question marks.


	2. ?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's in Connor's head? 
> 
> Knock knock
> 
> Oh, it's glitter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an unedited, right from brith draft but I wanted to share it in its raw state.
> 
> Enjoy!

Connor wouldn’t call himself an emotional person. For starters, he is still working on considering himself a person some days. It’s getting better. The thought that the extreme emotions themselves show how real he is and that he is not just a machine…that’s something that helps. So the times when he is sad, jealous, anxious or angry are intense, but Connor has come to like them for showing him he’s alive.

Sometimes he can’t immediately get into that head space though. He _knows_ it’s okay to feel whatever he feels, he just wishes he could also _feel_ it more often than not.

He didn’t know what he was feeling when he left Marcus’ apartment after only one movie. In hindsight it might have been better to talk about it. But he really wasn’t feeling it. What he needed was a hug from someone fluffly and prone to barking.

After Sumo had provided his services, Connor was ready to put together a plan of action. He even used the pack of markers he had been gifted last Christmas.

Sat down at the dinner table, Sumo drooling on his ankles and Hank across from him commenting in himself about the book he was reading, Connor stared at the blank A3 page.

The acquired information was that Connor might have put Markus on too high of a pedestal. Though he did know Markus well, it shows that you can never make assumptions. After their friendship got more solid, he had thought that Markus must have just known how Connor felt and decided not to say anything.

After a few months he had re-evaluated; Markus didn’t know, he didn’t consider having any romantic feelings for Connor. So much so that he couldn’t even phantom that Connor would.

Another month and his last re-evaluation brought Connor to inadvertently try to start talking about trying out a romantic relationship together. Because his last assumption was that no, of course Markus does know! He had literally told him so many times, after that many confessions there surely is no doubt? Markus might have put a stop to the interfacing, but it must have been because he was too shy to start something himself. He just simply wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship with Connor. And Connor respected that.

But know Connor thinks back and realizes he’s just sitting on a mountain of assumptions that might not have ever been true.

How ironic that they value communication and talking about their emotions so much, and then they stumble on something huge like this.

Well, nothing that can’t be fixed. Always a lesson to learn.

Connor knows that what logically has to be done is talk clearly and honestly about his feelings and thoughts and what he wants. Markus wouldn’t think any less about him, even if he doesn’t feel the same. That if it’s the case that he doesn’t know Connor’s feelings. On the contrary, their relationship might strengthen instead.

He knows that.

But it’s also a huge confrontation. Isn’t it better to think of ways to show Markus that Connor loves him in a romantic way too? He already has the markers and everything. Even glitter pens!

“You’ve been staring at that piece of paper for the last half hour. Are you trying to draw with your eye?” Hank’s amused voice woke Connor up from his thoughts.

“I don’t think that’s practical.”

“Is there something bothering you?”

“Yes.” Connor answered, looking up at Hank. He got a hum in return as Hank leaned back and placed his hands flat on the table. His book was still opened but placed faced down between them.

“Want to talk about it?”

“It’s Markus.”

“Ah, he finally make a move?”

“Well, not exactly. I think he doesn’t know I love him.”

“Sure he does, he tells you back every time you tell him! Do you remember all the video’s the internet was bombarded with of you two gushing over each other?”

“Valid. But what I mean is that I haven’t made it abundantly clear on how my love for him has changed and what other aspects I want to introduce into our relationship.”

“What do you feel like you should do next?”

“Have a honest conversation about him about how we feel about each other.”

“Will you?”

Connor just started back at the paper as a way of answering.

“Welp, you can still draw even if you already figured out what you want to do, Con. I’m going to take out the blankets, you want one?”

Connor nodded – blankets are soft – and finally decided that, yes, it would be a great idea to plan something out. Not how he had originally planned to; by writing a step by step plan. But by making something. Markus loved art, didn’t he? And even if Connor wasn’t particularly good at it, he loved creating something too.

Sometimes he thinks that making something is a waste of time. It won’t solve all the world’s problem. But he has also seen how inspired people can get by just a drawing or a poem or seeing someone dance and how they get a sudden drive to live. Just from something so ‘simple’.

He has also seen how Markus’s demeanour could change after coming from some time in the atelier. Especially after he got frustrated with the media or whatever else didn’t go as he had hoped to.

Connor hadn’t realised, but it partly made him take Markus from the pedestal he hadn’t realised he had put him on. Markus wasn’t always soft and mild mannered. He could get angry, sad and hurt just like anyone else.

Now that he thinks about it, Markus hadn’t gone to the atelier in a while. Or not to Connor’s knowledge. Most of the time he would send Connor a picture of a finished piece.

Deep in thoughts Connor almost didn’t notice when the page was all filled up with colour in front of him.

After he was happy with the result, Connor decided to put it in some nice packaging. They had lots of crafting tools, paper, stickers, etc. laying around, but he doesn’t think he ever actually used them before. Hank may have. His therapist liked to give him ‘homework’. Who knew Hank had such a soft spot for glitter?

Anyway. The result of the wrapping looked like he had invited a lot of enthusiastic 5 year olds over, showed them the crafting tools and then said ‘go nuts’.

It was awesome.

By the time the whole thing was finished Hank had already gone to bed. Connor received his usual ‘I love you, goodnight <3’ message from Markus. After he sent an answer back (‘Love you more!!! BESTnight <33’) he then went to recharge as well.

The next morning he wanted to go see Markus. He had finally realised he wanted some closure, no more ‘does he? doesn’t he?’ because it was positively driving him nuts. He didn’t know what to think anymore. So it was only natural to talk about it to the man in question.

Unfortunately another week passed before they even saw each other again.

That wasn’t strange in itself. And nothing changed from their usual communication. They still texted and video called each other almost every day. But the big stomping elephant in the room just didn’t come up.

Connor kind of did it on purpose. His excuse was that it’s better to talk about serious things in person. The real reason is that he dreads it. It’s much more comfortable to let everything be as it was.

He couldn’t out of this one though. Their next meet-up was at Connor’s. Hank had already gone out but at least Sumo was there for moral support.

The fully glittered and stickered package was upstairs in his bedroom. He’d go get it later.

Though he had been nervous before, the moment Markus walked through the door and they started talking, all anxiety seemed to flow off of him. He almost didn’t even think about the THING he wanted to talk about.

No, that’s a lie. He did think about it. Mostly about how to bring it up.

“Last time you kind of ran away in a hurry, was there something wrong? I didn’t want to bring this up on call…didn’t know if it was something serious,” Markus said.

They had been all set up. The movie was ready to go and they were comfortable on the couch. Connor under Markus’ arm and Markus’ legs in his lap.

Great! This was an amazing chance to say what he needed to. He couldn’t have gotten anything more perfect than that.

He started out great with “I- it was because I was a uh- a little unsure about something and I realised that-“ but then he cut off and it was a whole enigma and a half why Connor followed up with “what is the real reason you don’t want to interface anymore?”

Markus stiffened at that so Connor tried to backpaddle, not knowing why he said it in the first place. He knew it was a sensitive topic and wasn’t it kind of harassment to keep prodding at it?

“You don’t have to answer that! I’m sorry, I know you have your own reasons it’s just- sometimes I think it’s because you don’t actually like me.”

Okay, wow, that’s what you call backpaddling Connor? More like running backwards into a mine. To be fair, he did feel like what he said was really close to home. He hadn’t even realised he felt that way until he blurted it out. Maybe it was a good thing after all. Even if he hadn’t planned it. (Though to be fair, he hadn’t really planned anything. Just the vague idea of saying what was on his mind and on his heart and clearing things up.)

As Connor looked finally into Markus’s eyes, he realised he didn’t look mad at all. At most he looked a little anxious. Which probably meant Markus was close to or already in an anxiety attack.

“Hey,” Connor whispered taking Markus’ hand in his, gently, and then giving it a little squeeze. “It’s okay.”

After multiple beats of silence Markus looked a little more lively. He hadn’t let go of Connor’s hand.

“I’m sorry it made you feel this way. It’s not about you it’s about me-“ Markus paused to chuckle as Connor raised an eyebrow. “Okay, it’s a bit about you. But it’s mostly me being scared. It’s not about what you think. I like you, like…I really like you a lot. I think you might be my favourite person. That’s why it’s so hard…I don’t want you to hate me.”

Markus took a moment to look away from Connor to gather his thoughts.

“I know I speak big game about talking through your emotions and being honest. But it’s hard to do it. It sounds way better in theory. So…I think I’m scared of what I’m feeling. I don’t know if most of it is even right or normal or-“ He sighed. “I didn’t want to bombard you with any of it or put any kind of pressure on you. I feel like if you’d know what I’m feeling and thinking you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“You’re afraid that me getting to know you better will scare me of?” Connor asked tentatively, giving another gentle squeeze through their intertwined hands.

Markus blinked, as if trying to keep tears at bay. “Yes.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t always been honest to you about my feelings. You deserve a better friend.”

“I don’t think this is about that Markus, I think you’re a great friend. We all have something to work through. Have you tried talking to someone else about this?”

“Uh…no? Not really. The others are my friends too, but I trust you more. You don’t see me as a ‘leader’. I don’t feel the same pressure being something with you.”

“But you still do?”

Markus nodded, blinking more rapidly now.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Connor repeated. “You can cry if you want I- I do too when something heavy comes to the surface. Though be careful because the blue really stains.” He tried to joke but then that last sentence seemed to really do Markus in and he released some kind of laugh/cry/choke.

Connor did the best he could. Which was enveloping Markus in his arms and whispering that ‘it’s okay’ and ‘if you cry it’s for a reason, let the tears flow’.

As they stood there, the DVD logo doing his best to touch the corner of the tv-screen, Connor was happy he didn’t jump right into the ‘I love you’ talk. Yes, Connor loved Markus. But he always had. Just because the way he did now changed a little didn’t mean he wasn’t Markus friend first and foremost.

It didn’t look like he was up to that kind of talk right now. Who knew how long Markus had been holding all this pain and hurt in?

“You’re doing great.” Connor assured as Markus kept choking through his tears as if he cried for the first time.

At some point it became a mutual cry fest as Connor began crying too. Because what Markus said…it wasn’t far from familiar.

It hurt that Markus had kept something like that inside himself for so long. But it also hurt that Connor could kind of relate too. Though he wasn’t that extreme with it. Mostly he really was honest about what he felt, even if it was scary.

It wasn’t Markus’ fault though that he didn’t feel safe enough to do the same. You can’t compare the situations.

Connor still cried.

But it felt weirdly good, crying together like that.

He had found something he didn’t know he was looking for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Feel free to comment any thoughts, feelings and/or key smashes or emojis. Always lovely to see :D  
> (I'll still love you if you don't, have a great day/night💕)


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